Decision part 2

终于做了这个决定。也不知道决定是否对或错，但作了决定之后，真个人都松解了。舒服了。原以为，终于可以有安宁的睡眠了。但今天早上，竟然被妈弄得又再次的烦恼了。仔细的一想，烦是因为觉得对不起被我弄失望的人。他真的是一个好人，很用心的解释一切给我听，也很有耐心的让我去好好考虑。让他失望令我感到万分的遗憾。但人类就是这样。总是得自己想。

原本最担心，最放不下的人，竟然能够毫不犹豫的支持我，说会等我。还在我感到最压力，最无奈的时候让我心静下来。为了你，我会相信一切都会顺顺利利的。谢谢你这么为我想！

Decisions

Feeling very lost now.. Not sure what to do. I've been given 3 choices to choose from, to walk my future path. I really don't know the best option, or what I'd excel well in. I wish I knew what to do. People say that, deep down in your heart, you know the answer, you know what you want. But I don't! Am I weird? I see these options, each representing their potential, their risks and their consequences. Each presenting a different way of life that I might lead and yet, I don't know which to choose! It feels like I'm deciding my whole life and its damn hard to pick which is the right thing to do! People told me that, there is not right or wrong decision and that I just have to make it and live with it. But the consequences are so large that I am so afraid of just going ahead and making the decision! Every stage of life, we face something different. We gain experience from the outcome of it. But this time, I am so afraid of facing the consequences because it is something I have to deal with my whole life!

A picture from a different angle

Have been seeing this picture posted on facebook rather frequently recently.. Amazing picture isn't it? The idea of viewing things from a different angle..yet today, this thought came into my mind when I saw this picture..

"Which is a tougher post? They guy acting like his hanging on a cliff with a tight expression or the guy acting like his looking down a cliff with a non-comical expression?"

*blows thick dust away, and give it a good dusting*

Since I'm moody, I decided to drop by this deserted blog of mine..

*blows thick dust away, and give it a good dusting*

There you go..

As you know, I've recently become someone who only blogs once in a blue moon.. no point mentioning it every blue moon that I come back..

Also, I believe you guys know clearly why I disappear.. My life kind of lack the fun factor and is filled with the stress factor.. Ok.. That's that..

I've recently taken up some part time job to make ends meet.. In doing that, I have a more lenient restriction on how I spend my money.. But then again, my time is so packed I sometimes feel I don't have room to breath.. And yet, there is so many things I still want to do.. So many things I still want to achieve.. Recently however, I have this tendency to let things go.. I have this little voice behind my head telling me to stop trying.. to give up.. Worst thing is, its also asking me, why am I putting myself through all these? Will it do me any good?

There is a time in life, I suppose, when you get yourself so worked up for your goal, that at that point, you'd wonder, "is that goal really worth all that you put in?" "can you continue putting in those effort? for how long?"

I'm at that stage right now..

I wonder..

Sometimes I wonder, should I blame you for the way I feel or is it solely my fault for the way I feel?

Just a thought..

Will the fingers one day be replaced by the word "Ting"? *fingers crossed* =P

Just because,

I was thinking of offering someone help today without any other intentions, just purely to help this person. And then a thought came to me, why should I offer to help someone who did not ask me for it? Why should I help if there is no return in favour for me?

This is what experience in this world thought me. To be a selfish person. But then I thought, where was the harm in helping? Will I lose anything? Does it really matter? And in the end I decided, I'm going to help. Just because I want to, and thats a reason good enough for me..

=D

"Caroline believed absolutely in the future. And why not? For if the worst had already happened to them in the eyes of the word, then surely, surely, it was the worst that they left behind them now." - The Memory Keeper's Daugther, by Kim Edwards

Tired of Acting

So tired of acting.. I just want to be myself..
So tired of the frustration.. of the problems.. so tired of putting a tough face.. a cheerful expression..
So tired.. So so so tired..

*Click*

At times in live, I wish I could just click the fast forward button and all at present would just fast forward.. I wouldn't have to bare the heart breaking disappointments, the unbelievable unluckiness or the dreadful waiting.. But then again, in doing so, I'd most likely just end up regretting for missing those "moments in life".

Oh well, I just hope all these will make me a stronger and a better person..

Something to keep me moving

Will Power

I've seen so many people achieve things that I can only dream of achieving.. Each time one succeeds, I feel a sharp annoyance of this feeling called "envy" cursing through my veins.. And now I ask myself why am I so far behind? Why am I no where near the goals I set myself?

Truth is, I'm lazy.. I either lack self-confidence or I'm over confidence.. I don't try hard enough.. I don't know how to make my goals clear to others.. And the biggest reason of my failure is, I like to give up halfway.. zzz

So I guess, I've finally come up with my "belated" New Years Resolution..
 1) I will not be lazy
 2) I will keep myself level headed as much as possible
 3) I' will not give up halfway
 4) and the hardest one of all, I'll try to express my goals to others clearly..

Wish me luck!! =D

Just for decoration.. =D

Don't count on anyone

Just a statement, one very important statement that I fail over and over again to remember..

"Never count on anyone for help, because when you need it the most, it won't be there.."

I keep forgetting that.. Because I keep getting too comfortable.. What an ass I am..

Sorry for the idiocy and the level of naive-ness I have in me..

Goodnight people..

Judgement day

Judgement day is tomorrow..

I hope I can survive it..

Pray for me?

Seeking for my rainbow

Sometimes the thought of losing yourself in some "place" like a game or even in the world of blogging seems like a very tempting option.. When situations in life turns extremely hard, when everything in front of you seems so bleak, sometimes we just want to run and hide for awhile.. Sometimes, we feel like we never want to face the cold hard world again..

But behind every storm, there's always a rainbow.. All bad things will come to an end.. And once again, we can feel the warmth of the sun basking our skin again.. In life there's ups and downs.. I know I can never stay up forever, I know that one day I have to come down again.. So all I can do now, is hope for the best, and brace myself through this strong and chilly storm..

hwaiting!

Sometimes

Sometimes we are so immersed in self pity that we fail to see the suffering of others..

Being to Cambodia really made me realise how hard life can be..

Kids posing with snake to get money from tourist..
Look at what this little girl is sitting on as a boat..
The amount of people at the back of the car..
Their meal.. plain rice..

Kids are forced to earn a living, eat nothing but rice..

Their suffering reminds me how blessed I am.. How very much I live like a princess as compared to them..

The problem with thinking too much..

I went through my "Edit Posts" option at my control panel in Blogger and I realised I had lots of draft post which actually never got a chance to show itself to the world of internet.. And now that I read them, they no longer deem fit for me to post them anymore..And so I deleted them.. From now on, I'll just post what I am thinking.. No more waiting for the right pictures to upload.. Or the right timing.. Just updates.. =)
p/s: One of the many pictures that I wanted to post a long time ago.. A friend of mine said I am able to capture pictures of food to make them look nicer than they really are.. What do you think?

Jesus said, "Ask, and you shall receive, seek, and you shall find".

God, I'm asking you if you could grant this wish of mine? I am seeking for it.. Will I ever find it?

Just a thought

How is it that I so often find myself to be in the less fortunate category and later on realise that I'm actually one of the really lucky ones?

How is it that when I think I always don't get what I hope for, in reality I actually have more than I should actually ask for?

How is it that I love so much to blame others when things happen, but in reality, they are not the only one at fault?

I wonder, did any of you have these same thoughts I'm having?

Just a thought.. When should I go fly kite again?? This time I promise to lose that ugly outfit and aunty pose that I have in the above picture.. ;)
Just thought I'd entertain you with an ugly picture for this post.. =P

Freaky incident

To keep the story short, yesterday a colleague of mine fell from climbing the wall. He was admited to the hospital due to back injury.

Today, my colleagues decided to visit him at the hospital. Why I'm telling you this is because, we found out that he lost his memory due to the fall (he also hit his head). To him, it was still last friday, before we went to watch Shrek 3D!! Which practically means that in his mind, he has not watched Shrek with us!! o.O

If you think thats scary.. Let me tell you something more scary.. Initially, when he fell down he was unconcious for some time. His wife shook him and called him and when he finally woke up, he couldn't recognise his wife!! He even said that he wanted to visit his mother (which is, at this moment, in heaven!!!).. Not only that, he wanted to run away from his wife!! And to top things up, he thought, "Oh dear, I'm late for work! Better get going!"

1. Its damn freaky to suddenly find out you have a wife and have no idea how that happen.. Its even more freaky and saddening to suddenly realise that your mother has left! I mean, technically, these things happened over a period of time.. But then again, it sure seems like it happened in an instant when my dear colleague woke up from his fall!

2. If I'm in his wife's position, I would definitely freak out at my husband's condition.. I would also be devestated.. Will he be alright? Will he ever remember me? Will he still love me?

Damn man.. Its freaky..